I am delusional - 5 things I know
I am delusional but maybe not in the way you think.
Here are 5 things to know.
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Okay, so I am absolutely delusional and I embrace it. What? How can someone know that they are delusional but love it anyway? Because at some point I realized that it is the only real way to live.
Here is what happened. I lived most of my life being afraid of being delusional. So I hyper focused on other delusional people and their shortcomings; specially in the show business world.
I see so many comedians who go up week after week with jokes that just do not work and then they blame the audience. I see people not understand why they are not booked on shows when it is obvious to me they may not be as funny, yet. Or if they are funny, they don't have the name recognition or there may be other factors in play. I see actors who don’t have any substantial acting credits who think they should have been cast instead of Emma Stone for that Oscar winning role.
People ACTUALLY believe that they deserve to be an Oscar winner when they have no substantial acting credits to their name. I find this to be delusional.
Then people fake it until they make it. They will say they have a big movie in the works when in fact they do not. They will say they are friends with Dane Cook and perform with him all the time. When in fact they only happened to do a set on a show once; when he happened to pop in at a show.
They will say they are an entrepreneur and can deliver x y and z through their connections. When in fact, they can't deliver much at all.
Being witness to this and living this over and over, I decided to DOUBLE DOWN on making sure I stay in reality. I’m never going to talk about my successes and me. I am NOT going to bring up what I am up to. I am NEVER going to think I am funny enough for myself but instead let the audience decide. I am NEVER going to make promises that are a stretch that I can’t deliver.
Until... the pendulum swinging started presenting its own problems. I started gaslighting myself into believing "I am not all that.” I started believing I was actually not worth it. I started believing that if I actually were to believe I was worth it I would be delusional, like those people I talked about above.
Now, I am opting for delusion. It's actually better than gaslighting.
Here are 5 things I learned:
1) You will always come across as delusional to someone No matter who you are, people can think you are delusional, for whatever reason.
Last week I talked about my friend, a self-proclaimed big girl who has the confidence and knows she is beautiful. I find her beautiful. I think she is absolutely gorgeous. But she has been a victim of bullying. So then does she abandon her own belief she is beautiful? Does she go with the crowd for fear of being delusional in her confidence? That is absolutely absurd.
If I am watching her, I can take the position of believing in her and cheering her on for leaning inward on her beliefs. Why can't I do that for me? It was a big A HA! moment.
I realized that some people out there think I should not do comedy. Some people think I should not be trying to spread YAYFUL joy without a college degree and leave it to psychologists. Some people think that I am too young or too old, or too casual or whatever.
I realized that there would always be people who are not going to think I am on the mark. And so since that is so unstable, I must lean into myself for my good opinion!
2) I had to explore what I actually think
Instead of looking outward for the good opinion from others, I started choosing to lean in. Which means, I really had to identify what I actually thought about my abilities.
You know what? I actually think I am very proficient! Because from my accomplishments, from a practical standpoint I think I have some good merits that make sense in me believing I am proficient.
Then immediately I started thinking… Oh no, what If I am great all by myself and I am in my own world?
So, I came up with this technique:
3) Be delusional like a scientist
Okay so Edison made 1000 failed attempts at inventing the light bulb.
He was delusional in the eyes of most because he had a vision that most others hadn't seen yet.
However, I think Edison was great because he was delusional like a scientist. He was able to gather the data from his failures and try again.
He fixed what didn't work, and he tried again, and again and again...
Most likely he didn’t think to himself, "I am a terrible scientist. I should just quit.” He kept trying. He kept believing in himself that he was a good scientist, even when he hadn't found the solution, yet.
This idea gave me a new perspective. A comedian who goes on stage night after night with jokes that don't work over and over and over and over and then blames the audience is delusional. In a way, they are closed off to feedback. It's like Edison releasing the same lightbulb that doesn't work and then blames everyone for not acknowledging the light, when there was no light from the bulb.
I realized I can be this kind of delusional person:
Hey, my brand has some legs. Hey, I’m a good comedian and writer.
I may miss the mark here and there, but that does not mean I am a bad comedian, writer, entrepreneur. It means that I missed the mark.
I can take the information whether it be a bombed comedy set, a misstep in a product launch or a misspoken word and examine the cause and effect. Then adjust to becoming even stronger.
At my core, I need to maintain that: I am strong. I am capable. Whatever I am.
4) Some people will just not believe you. Let them think you are delusional
When I tell people that I perform comedy and corporate trainings and have a bestselling book out and a corporation, some people literally don't believe me. They roll their eyes and say, sure. Why haven’t I heard of you?
People who puff up their actual accomplishments act this way towards me. This attitude is so prevalent here in Hollywood. I was always so afraid of that type of response. I kept all of my wins to myself. I never let people know. In fact, I started downplaying it to myself, on purpose. I purposefully made everything I was involved in seem small so that I wouldn't have to face those people who don't believe me. I did this so much to the point where I was losing contracts, because I did such a great job of underselling myself.
At some point I decided WHO CARES. Here are the facts:
I did do all those things. Suck it peanut gallery. And the things I’m involved in or have accomplished are not little. Everything I’m proud of are a big deal and took a lot of work on my part.
I decided I was no longer going to “play small.”
5) Stop the internalizing
Part of being a successfully delusional person has to do with accepting that you are not going to be perfect. There is always room for growth.
I think I confused defending myself from facing unwanted results with believing in myself.
I can believe in myself and take in the external feedback. Feed it all through my system and apply corrections to come back better next time. This is not the same as placing the blame for undesired results.
BUT! When I get a result, I do not want, can I actually stop, think about what happened without the result having meaning as it relates to my worth as a comedian entrepreneur whatever.
If I bomb a set, it's not that I SUCK and that I am TERRIBLE it's more like, what did I DO that contributed to that result? Notice I said contributed. Sometimes people just aren’t feeling you! And, that is not going to determine how I feel about myself as a whole. Just like Edison. He got negative results. He’s a good scientist. He made adjustments. He tried again.
I am so glad that I gave this some thought this week. I have been playing small. I have been downplaying myself, and undercutting myself to others and me because I didn't want to be delusional.
One clarification:
Someone will always think I am delusional anyway. I can be absolutely certain of my value and examine my results in an impartial way for best results.
This all gives me the confidence to say:
YA KNOW WHAT?
DELUSIONAL OR NOT.
I THINK I AM AWESOME.
