I’ve been studying empowerment for 15 years - Five things to watch out for

Hey guys. I’ve been studying empowerment for 15 years. Unfortunately as with any good thing, there are some dangers and downsides. Here are five things to watch out for.
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First of all, I like saying, I LOVE EMPOWERMENT.

I grew up in an environment where I felt very disempowered. I am a gay man who grew up in a conservative household. I had no father. I grew up in poverty. I was dropped in the USA without language skills. All of these factors are a breeding ground for creating a belief system in which one can feel like everything is out of control. These factors can easily make me feel like I am a victim to my circumstances.

I had adopted the idea that life just happens to me and all I can do is just deal with life as it comes. I discovered empowerment at age 19. It was the first time I felt like I had some control over my life. It was the first time I thought about how things could turn out. I realized I can create something great, and that was exciting to me. But what empowerment requires is for you to take responsibility of ALL things that happen in your life; which is different than blame. It's okay I don’t have money. I don't have money and so I can direct my energy to do something about it, by owning it. Instead of bemoaning it.

I fell into the empowerment world. I also came into the law of attraction world which asks you to manage your vibration so that you can attract what you want. I am firm believer of it all. It's about owning where you are, instead of bemoaning where you are. It's all about using the power of your mind to create whatever you want. It's all about the mind mind mind.

I’ve learned that this kind of thinking can also be dangerous and this way of thinking actually got in my way. I needed clarification.

1) Empowerment can make you too responsible
In the world of empowerment, when we get an unwanted result in the world, we are asked to look at what we did wrong and take 100% responsibility for why. Then correct your position for next time.

This is great, except...

We live in a world where even if you do everything perfect things happen that can totally derail you. You might work hard to open a restaurant, and it burns down the next day.

You might think you have a great business deal but someone could swoop in at the last minute and you lose the contract. You might raise your child perfectly and he/she could meets a boyfriend that, umm... break their heart.

I think that we can do our absolute best. I think even if you measure for safety you may still get only 80% of the results you intended. Now, if you get 80% of the results, you will be going for; you are KILLING IT. If you expect 100% which is 100% unrealistic, you may start thinking...

What's wrong with me? Maybe nothing. Maybe you’re doing things right and can mitigate unexpected surprises for the future the best you can...or maybe you’re doing OKAY!

2) Some things really are out of your control, no matter how much empowerment
I was a widow at age 33. Out of my control. Michael and I fought really hard to try to keep him alive, but we lost. If I’m in a state of sadness because my partner passed away, and it's making me less optimistic about the world, I could think, WELL how did I attract this reality to come into form? Or well, what could I have done better to save Michael? NOTHING

Death happens. Life happens. I am not the only one that exists in the world! So maybe Michael was meant to die when he did. Even if you do your best sometimes, things don’t go the way you want them to go, that's life! Really we all do the best that we can in the world but sometimes things happen in that indeed are out of your control. I wrote a book as a result of the experience around Michael's passing. I started a company to encourage people to find their greatest joy. Writing a book and starting a company were things I could control. Michael Dying? I couldn’t control.

3) Negative emotions are not allowed
In the empowerment community, negative emotions sometimes are treated as a drag to the system. We are taught to handle negative emotions by out thinking our emotional response.

For example, if you feel sad that you failed a test, you might be taught to quickly move into a positive emotional state by thinking thoughts that might help you through your failure. You learned x y z and so you should feel good. If you don't feel good, it means whatever you did didn't work. So you fix your thoughts and try again.

Do you see how all of this can place negative emotions in the role of enemy? If you don’t feel great, there is something wrong. It must be corrected immediately.

In the law of attraction world, this could be even worse. What if you are sad, so you attract more sad things? It creates this urgency to get out of pain. If you don’t, things could be internalized. And you feel you’re not doing handling the situation right. You’re not good enough! Thinking your way out of your negative emotions works a lot of time and it is generally a good practice. If your husband of 20 years left you for the mail man, you would be sad. You try to think your way out of it and can't.

So you get annoyed with yourself which creates even more negative emotion. Then you get mad for getting mad at yourself. Then you get mad for getting mad at yourself for getting mad at yourself. You get it. We are human and sometimes things hurt us in a way that cannot be thought through.

This is when empowerment sometimes does not help; your partner died, but the negative emotions are not serving you, so just think your way out of it. That’s not right. If you don’t think your way out, you are more committed to justifying your sadness. You’re not making a move in a positive direction!

You know what you should say to that?

FUCK YOU. LOL

The idea is to do the best you can. Help yourself through pain. This should not be a test or a proof of worthiness. It's not failing if you don't feel magnificent all the time.

4) So much emphasis on the mind. Think about your physicality too
Here’s an example:
Let’s say you’re on a diet. Drinking diet coke often makes people hungrier. It is a pleasurable sensation while you are drinking but often times the physiological effects of drinking diet coke can lead you to being more hungry. In the world of empowerment, there is a distinct emphasis on the mind. Sometimes all of the tools can cause you tp think, if I were strong enough in the mind then I can out think my physiological response. You create a situation where you drink a Diet Coke even though you know you will have a hunger response. After the drink, you are annoyed at the hunger response. You try to think your way out of that unpleasant sensation and then feel like a useless person as you slice a piece of cake.

That is CRAZY.

Diet Coke can make you hungrier, and physiology matters. Your mind is powerful but only to an extent. It's like taking depression patients and saying you are not thinking right. That's cruel. Some people require extra reinforcement.

It's challenging to override a physiological response with the power of your mind.

5) Mindfulness and empowerment are not a magic formulas
Initially it’s good to try things on as if it is the magic formula. But as with anything, there is no magic formula. Nothing in this world will work 100% of the time.

A vegan, raw food, body builder, who lives in the mountains can get cancer. A driver's education teacher with a squeaky-clean record may have their breaks go out and crash. A person may be driven to make billions of dollars and then the financial system collapses. The idea of empowerment is to position yourself to do the very best we can do. There are times that empowerment doesn't lead to better results. There will be times when we fall off the diet. There will be times when we are unnice to people.

This is all OKAY.

We are aiming to be better. Sometimes when you are not who you want to be it doesn’t mean there is anything wrong. We are all in process. Let us embrace the process and pat ourselves on the back for doing the best we can.

Love you guys!