Being the bad twin: 5 things I learned

Being the bad twin: 5 Things I Learned

by Pauline Yasuda, Guest Blogger!

I’m an Asian lady with a twin. For real. I bet you thought that only existed in porn. It doesn’t! If you’re a creeper who’s wondering where you can find our XXX video… Sorry, folks. Not gonna happen. Don’t look at me! I’m the bad twin.

Why am I the bad twin?  When I turned 18, I decided to move 3,000 miles away from home in order to get away from my family. My sister stayed home to be close to my parents. In our 20’s, I’d go out partying every night, oftentimes getting blackout drunk while my sister studied religiously to earn her law degree. My sister has only dated 3 men her entire life, marrying the 3rd.  I would regularly scour the Casual Encounters section of Craigslist for random hookups and never had a relationship that lasted more than a year. I am also the twin that would have a totally agreed to make a twin fetish porn if the pay was right and it was “tasteful.” 

These days, I’m a struggling stand-up comic and actor, trying to pursue what feels like a pipe dream and totally broke. My twin, however, is a respected attorney who, once a month, also works for the Air Force Reserves, sews doll clothes and costumes for her daughters in her free time, bakes bread and dessert, and lives in a beautiful million dollar home in a wonderful neighborhood.

Even though Covid deemed my sister essential and me non-essential, I know now that I’m essential, too! It’s taken a long time for me to learn that I’m my own person and deserve all the good things that have come my way. And that being “bad” is sometimes just a perspective. 

Here are 5 things I learned:

5) Don’t compare yourself to others

In a world where, every day, you see images on Facebook, IG, or other social media sites that show you a life you a life you could be living, it’s hard not to compare your life to someone else’s. It’s hard not to think, what if. What if I made better choices, what if I studied harder in school, what if I listened to the right people, what if I wasn’t such a hot mess. Then I could have a picture-perfect life! It’s pretty hard when your mirror image exists and is living that dream. 

The thing is, you didn’t make “better choices” for a reason. The main one being, you’re you. And that’s perfect! You’re a unique individual with quirks and flaws and people love you, warts and all, because of that. 

I would look at my twin and wish I was a lawyer, wish I had a big house, wish I had 2 kids and a loving husband, never realizing that she would look at me, and wish she were following her dreams instead of working all the time, wish she had a smaller house so she could spend less time cleaning, and wish she had the freedom of being single and alone. 

The thing is, the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence. Be happy with what you have and stop comparing yourself to others! If you dig a little deeper, you’ll start seeing all the great things you already have!

4) Get help

If you have self-esteem issues or suffer from depression, I highly advise seeking some professional help. I was both embarrassed and ashamed to admit that I needed therapy. It didn’t help that my own twin does not have mental health issues so, for a very long time, II truly felt that I was just “bad.” 

This inner judgement is part of my ongoing battle with depression. Going into therapy is helping me to realize that there a lot of me that’s “good,” too. 

I don’t think we talk enough, especially in the Asian community, about seeking help for mental issues. I feel like we’ve been told to “tough it out” or “just deal with it.” You don’t have to. 

I’m a much happier persona since starting therapy and I’m a huge proponent for giving it a try, even if you feel you don’t feel like you need it. 

3) Being “bad” is GOOD!

What does being “bad” even mean? I’ve never done anything that would land me on Dateline or broken any laws or intentionally hurt someone. Well… okay, there may be some exes who would disagree with that last one but hey, it gets me to my point! When you’re “bad,” you’ve got some great stories to tell! 

Being “bad” means you’ve lived life! I think I’m a successful stand-up comedian because I’ve done a lot of screwy things and it’s, well, funny. I never run out of stories that make people laugh.

At a party, no one wants to hear my twin’s story about the time she had an 8 hour deposition. But my story about how I got lockjaw and landed in the ER after giving a dude oral satisfaction never fails to entertain. Ask me about it the next time you see me!

Embrace your “bad.” Life is too short not to! 

2) Things Change

If you’re labeled “the bad” one in a family, guess what? You have the power to change it. 

When I was younger, I had a huge chip on my shoulder when it came to my family. I blamed them for a lot of my failures and problems. I don’t think it was until I unexpectedly had my own child that I realized how important family was to me. And that yes, my family is dysfunctional, but whose isn’t? 

After having my daughter, I started looking after my parents. So much so, that now my parents literally live in my backyard. Both my parents have had some health issues recently because they are older (my mom is 80 and my dad is 90) and they were both shocked that it was me, not my sister, who took them to the hospital, slept in a chair next to them the entire time they were there, and advocated for them when they could not. 

It took a lot of soul searching to realize it wasn’t my parents who labeled me as the “bad” twin. It was me. Confronting those issues allowed me to open up my heart and let my family in.

1) Wear Sunscreen

Okay, I know I’m supposed to be giving out deeply thought life lessons, but for real, WEAR SUNSCREEN. When I was a teenager up until my 30’s, I always worked jobs that took place outdoors and never wore sunscreen or a hat. Who wants to look like an Asian grandma in a visor and big old bug sunglasses? Not this lady!

My twin, on the other hand, always worked in an office and whenever she so much as stepped outside, slathered her face in sunscreen.

We’re now in our 40’s and I have these crazy sun spots on my face that I can’t get rid of. My sister, on the other hand, has no spots. None!

So if you don’t want to spend hours going down some crazy-ass rabbit hole of what trendy new products are going to get rid of the creepy spots on your face that your daughter calls “old-lady, witch marks,” and then going down another rabbit hole of finding dupes for the above mentioned products because you’re a poor stand-up comedian who can’t justify spending $300 on a serum made with tears from a baby seal… WEAR SUNSCREEN!