I was betrayed - 5 things I learned
This week a friend betrayed me who I thought I could trust.
I learned important lessons from this experience.
In this episode of Coach Yay-Dan, I will break down the lessons I learned.
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This week I was betrayed! Let me break down what happened.
For years, I’ve been working for a children’s entertainment company. The job requires me to train people. These people have to sign a non-compete because we don't want to give away our trade secrets and ideas. We don’t want them to take our trade secret, run off and start their own exact business, which is exactly what happened this week! What really hurt was she was someone that I thought was a friend. Someone I absolutely trusted.
I met this person in 2016. We came to be good friends. We called each other for boy problems. She had anxiety and so we talked at length about her anxiety issues. When I lost Michael, she drew me a photo of us and spent hours on the phone with me. I even wrote about her in my book. She is someone that I really admired and appreciated.
So you can imagine my dismay when I found out that, not only had she, breached the contract by starting a competing business by using the ideas and concepts we gave her, but she had been doing it for the past two years, and at the same time she was working with us!
OMG, just two weeks ago I was looking for new people to hire. So I texted her to ask if she could refer people. She said, “Absolutely I know people, you know I got your back.” Yeah, apparently she's got my back so she can stab a knife right into it!
Lucky for us the company has successfully handled similar issues. I'm unworried about THAT; but I was hurt.
I handled it like a mature adult... I unfriended her... At that moment, I started getting mad about the situation. Screw her. She sucks. I was extremely irritated. How could she do this? I started feeling bad. But, I must practice what I preach. I represent the Yay Movement! I'm the Yay guy! I walked my walk and shifted it into a learning opportunity.
These are five things that came up from being betrayed this week:
Number 5
Always cover your ass. Thank god we did. Even if you think you can trust people. In business it’s a good idea to dot your I’s and cross your T’s. Just in case, because anything can happen.
I am certain she did not come into this business thinking she was going open her own. I'm sure it was something that developed down the line. If you’re in a position where you must trust someone, unless they are like family, you might want to cover your ass! With that being said, my next lesson is...
Number 4
Becoming more distrusting is not an option I want to take. The reality is, there is no way to get through life without trusting people. In relationships, unless you are siamese twins you are probably going spend time away from each other. In that time away, they could cheat if they wanted to. So what do you do? Do you close off and never try? Do I never make friends again? Do I never trust that people have good intentions again? I don't think so. Because although this incident did not work out for me this time, in the big big picture I don't get screwed that often. In fact, I’m really unscrewed now because I implemented Number 5. Covered my ass.
It's more an emotional hurt. I put myself out there. I have great friends and a full life. I don't want to live a life that is closed because of fear of betrayal. I want to cover my ass for emergencies but live in a world where I take risks. Guess what; it works out in my favor most of the time. But I was mad, so I…
Number 3
Considered revenge. There are downsides to seeking revenge. For a day or so I wanted to ruin her. I wanted to destroy her. I wanted to eat her alive; like Armie Hammer. Too soon? Sorry
I was mad dammit. But I realized, I don't like feeling angry. I don’t like feeling revengeful. It's not a good feeling. It doesn't feel good. And because it doesn't feel good in me, I don't want to keep that emotional momentum going. (for more on emotional momentum check out my blog about emotional momentum)
I don’t want to feel bad. If I did something, mean to her. I would feel bad. Sure I will take precautions to protect what is mine, but I don't need to give it all that negative energy. I can just do what I do and not carry hate in my heart. Easier said than done, right? How do you do that?
Number 2
I can practice compassion in the face of a betrayal. I don't condone it. I will take action to protect what is in my best interest. I will never trust her again, but I can still be compassionate towards her.
I can understand that she might be in a real desperate financial situation. When people are desperate, they do desperate things. They steal. They lie. That's why it's important to be cautious around people that have a desperate energy, but you can still be kind.
It is possible that this person did at one point care about me, and may still. However, she took action to start a competing business. Lots of people do this type of thing. They are people, and I don’t need to hate them. What would my hate do anyway? I will be compassionate and take action in my best interest which leads me to Number 1.
Number 1
Certainty. The most important thing here is that I am going to maintain my faith in myself. I am not afraid of this and am not going to buy into the fearful message of: "I can't trust people.” In life, to get anywhere you have to trust people a little bit.
When things like this happen, I know I'll handle it. I got it; no matter what happens. I got it. I maintain enough faith in what I do that I identify the outcome will be good for me. I got it. It's unfortunate for her that she felt she had to do this. I will take proper action in my best interest and don't have to do with hate. Because it just hurts, me.
In a way, I’m establishing I am in charge of my own experience. Name one person who has been unbetrayed at some point in their life, and I will show you a person who lives a very small life. If I know I will be fine no matter what, I will be fine.
Easier said than done and this is a medium stake situation so I’m not sweating it. I got this.
What's the point of thinking anything else. We prepare in case something bad happens or changes, but know... we got this.
This week offered me a ton of clarity about how I would like to experience my life. I feel fortunate to be able to arrange my thoughts in this way. Thanks for watching and reading. I hope this was beneficial.
