Dealing with Laziness
We all want to be productive. However, we all feel lazy from time to time. In our society we beat ourselves up about being lazy, which causes a whole other set of problems. In this episode of Coach YAY-Dan, I'll tell you why you might be lazy and offer some tips on what to do.
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Okay, so laziness is a topic that is generally looked at as being something terrible. In America laziness is especially looked down upon.
People work from nine to five, plus many commute. That’s 10 out of 24 hours.
After work we arrive home, cook for the kids, spend time with them, be pleasant to our spouse, call our mothers, plan the PTA fundraiser, deal with an emergency at work, and be expected to maintain six pack abs; somewhere in there sleep for six hours, and get up and do it all over again.
There are empowerment people saying things like, “You need to stop watching the Bachelor and read to better yourself. That's how you get to be successful!"
Then, we start feeling bad about not bettering ourselves. This negative thinking actually depletes our energy. So, we have even less energy to
do that “thing,” we are being told to do to better ourselves. Then we feel bad about not doing it and we just feel worse and worse.
No wonder people drink so much, jeez! People just want relief, please.
Many people are at home during COVID keeping loved ones safe and stable and perhaps you're not really motivated to do much…a lot of people are saying to themselves, “What is wrong with me, I need to get motivated.”
When people come to me about laziness, most of the time they want me to kick them in the ass. They want me to get them in gear. They want me to motivate them with, “RAH RAH RAH!!” To which I always respond, “I am not an NFL coach or a cheerleader and you are not a football player. So I’m not going KICK YOU into anything.”
So I say to you…
The most destructive thing you can do when you are in a state of laziness is motivate yourself into doing that which you have resistance to.
These empowerment people are really bothering me….
Here you have these high achieving people who have MBAs and doctorates telling you to get motivated to become like them. Because society says that's good!
These empowerment people don't know you. You may not be driven by the same things they are. The idea of challenge and conquer is not for everyone. So the one size fits all advice to, GET YOUR ASS IN GEAR in response to your laziness is really at best. going to get you short-term results.
If you want to make a change for the better, ask yourself this very important question. Why am I resistant to taking action on this particular issue?
The right answer is NOT… Because I’m lazy. There's nothing wrong with you. There's nothing to fix. What you need to do is examine why there is resistance to this particular action you feel like you should be doing.
I'll give you an example:
I had a client who is an Instagram model. She could not gather herself to be consistent. She came to me and asked, “Aidan why can't I get motivated?”
I said, “Have you tried cocaine?” ha ha joking.
She was expecting me to kick her in her ass. Instead, I asked her, Why are you resistant to taking action on this particular issue?”
She said, "I don't know. I just don't want to do it. Since I broke up with my boyfriend, it just feels odd to capture sexy photos.”
So, she felt vulnerable, understandably after the break up. Is it productive for a person who feels sexually vulnerable be pushed into action? THAT WOULD BE TERRIBLE.
I said to her, “You are not going to undertake anything you feel uncomfortable with. How can you honor that part of you that feels vulnerable AND move in the direction of what you want?”
Turned out, she had photos upon photos in her reserve that she hadn’t released yet, so that was a great solution! Her resistance was being in front of the camera. The creative solution was she could use the photos she had in her reserve. She could still release the content. She could avoid taking new photos and honor the part of her that felt vulnerable.
Another client came to me with this situation.
I want to sing, but I just can’t get myself to do it. I asked, “What is the part of you that is resistant to singing?” Turned out that after examining her situation, she was afraid that she would come across delusional if she sang, which is crazy because she was a professional singer.
The question was, does she bulldoze that side of herself and make herself take action and just sing? I think that approach would have been damaging.
What we need to do when we feel lazy is to look within, explore. Ask the question: Why am I resistant to taking this action?
You might not in fact want to carry out the thing you think you SHOULD being doing; it might not be your passion. You might intuitively know it's not the right thing for you. You might genuinely want something different.
The problem is not your will power. The problem is lack of awareness of your resistance. So when you feel lazy look within and ask yourself,
What part of me is resistant to this action that I feel I should be taking?
And why do I feel this way?
When you discover the answer, it’ll be like pulling an anchor up that's snagged to something at the bottom of the lake. When you are snagged and you bulldoze by revving your engine harder, you’ll break down. Think about it!
For more on this topic check out my posts on emotional momentum, and how to manage the imposter syndrome and why your negative emotions are good.
Thank you!
