#1 Reason Why Relationships Fail
Hi Guys!
There are so many reasons why relationships fail. I'll fill you in on one mental attitude that will DEFINITELY lead to doom and failure in a relationship.
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When I coach folks, I often hear this sorta stuff:
Things were great in the beginning, but.
We were romantic in the beginning, but.
We were wild in the beginning, but.
I ask, “But, what?” You put the whips and chains away?
My next question to them is:
What are you doing to add to your relationship? The response I get, “Huh?”
Guys, I blame Hollywood for this!
Every romantic story ends with the heroes getting together.
Let’s look at a classic like Cinderella. The story is all about GETTING THE MAN. In the end, she gets him. She moves out of her stepmother and stepsister’s house with all her rats, and THEN WHAT?
People don’t mind, the day to day. What happens after a year when missionary gets boring? Or after a really stressful year of dealing with I don’t know, protesters. The prince comes home and just goes to sleep. Cinderella says to him, “I made you a scarf.” And he uninterestingly responds, “Yeah...” Then, he starts drinking and Monica Lewinsky becomes his intern. Anything can happen!
The reality is, relationships take a whole lot of work. Relationships are like purchasing a house. You find the house of your dreams. It’s charming, colorful, the ideal location. It feels absolutely excellent every time you walk through the front door. So you buy this perfect house. THEN YOU DO NOTHING TO UPKEEP THE HOUSE. The paint starts peeling. The floors get scuffed up. The heater breaks so it's not so warm inside anymore. It's lookin dirty and creaky. The flowers are like PEWWWWWWW....
1) It has to remain a priority to take care of the house
Plant flowers and make it beautiful. Hang pictures and bring the house to life. Install new appliances to make it homey and nice. Transform the garage into a gym. You are actively working with the house to cultivate it into your dream home.
In a relationship, you MUST think with your partner.
What is it that we want to do together?
What are your dreams?
What are my dreams?
How can we support each other in making these things happen?
What's important to us?
How can we foster what’s important to us?
How do we make our relationship even more awesome?
You are working together. Not merely falling into some sort of soulmate situation. You are actively cultivating a glorious life, together.
Even sex.
Missionary style every time, really?
Should be more of…Want to try this? Wanna try that?
I was in a relationship with a man with whom I had a similar dynamic. In the beginning, it was just him and me. By then end of our relationship, it was him, me, a rolodex of characters and a bucketful of sex toys. We were both active in keeping our passion alive. For us, it was until death do us part. It was death that did us part. He died. But he died while in a fantastic relationship with a partner who cherished and love him.
2) Don't ignore problems
It’s common in relationships to feel uncomfortable addressing issues. But when the paint peels and you think, I'd rather pretend the paint is not peeling; it’ll be fine. Then pipes break and you think, cold showers are not so bad; it’ll be fine. Roach infestations? Meh. Who doesn’t have roaches; it’ll be fine. Broken refrigerator? Who doesn't eat spoiled food every once in a while; it'll be fine.
Before you know it, you’ll find yourself in a dirty, roach infested shack, with diarrhea and no hot water to rinse off.
Relationships are the same. Conflict is vicious. But an open communication policy must be advocated and fought for. So when there is a disagreement, it must be addressed right away. Even if it’s a pain the ass to do so. The motivator is not comfort. It’s cultivating and maintaining a wonderful relationship. Relationships are not supposed to be comfortable all the time. You have to fight for your relationship and for the relationship to maintain the position of empowerment.
What is my point?
My point is you find, the one. You build jointly, cultivate together, expand together and that is the joy of the relationship. To experience joy in a relationship, both people must maintain an active position in how the relationship is going to look. You do not want to end up with diarrhea in a broken down home.
For more about relationships take a look at my video blogs:
Vulnerability in Relationships
and
Toxic Relationships
YAY!
Or missionary gets boring, night after night after night.
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Aidan Park
Join me online: @aidanparkshow - Facebook, Instagram and Twitter
