Living in chronic pain: 5 things I learned

Living in chronic pain - 5 Things I learned

I sat at home, icing my wrists from what seemed like a temporary body ache after doing intensive filing and working on a computer at a part-time job. Little did I know, this was the beginning of a completely new era of my life. None that I would wish upon another human being. What seemed like a temporary strain, turned into 30 days later being unable to go to work, sit upright in a chair due to the shooting pains from my neck down my arms and the inability to hold a pen between my fingers. The five year relationship supposedly heading for an official union fell apart. I became reliant upon disability to survive (which by the way you cannot pay the bills on living in a major city), unable to sleep at night or dress myself effectively due to excruciating pain and the concept of following my dreams to perform was implausible. My world had crumbled. Panic attacks became the norm. I was 31 years old.

Here are five things I’ve learned, from living in long term chronic pain:

Self blame is the mind’s enemy

Ironically,  I was the ergonomic point person in my department. I attended trainings, took breaks, did the appropriate stretches, had the ergonomic keyboard, gel mousepad, the correct foot rest and back support. Then how and why did this happen? What did I do wrong? This is great for analysis, but beyond that, I’ve learned to no longer entertain that conversation. It doesn’t help. It only makes me feel worse and is disempowering. It happened, because it did. Now let’s move forward.

Stop explaining  - simply smile sweetly and move on.

My experience has shown the underlying reason people really want details about how you got hurt is so they won’t end up like you. At first, I genuinely believed that people were deeply concerned for me. After all, that’s how I felt about others. However, as time went by I noticed it was fear in their eyes not compassion. Phrases like, ‘oh I have an ergonomic keyboard’, or  “I have a really good chiropractor - they are amazing’, or “God didn’t get you this far for you to be like this, you are too young’.  I was after all, in one’s prime earning years and then witnessing a vibrant go-getter suddenly restricted and icing their body numerous hours per day was...scary for them. My body’s inability to heal without something they were doing or had to do, was a threat. 99% of people that ask how I became injured, do so they won’t. Therefore, I remain friendly and smile. They will never know what it’s like and I don’t want them to either!

Digging deep within to trust my intuition

Navigating the Workmen’s Comp system was tremendously taxing. Intuitively I knew living on pain medications and numbing shots for the remainder of my life was not a long-term solution. Only when I began to find practices that felt right for me intuitively did I begin to find healing solutions. I investigated Meditation to deal with long-term pain. Eventually I found a practice that on the first day of learning, my body no longer needed to sleep for the three hours every afternoon, had me sleeping through the whole night, and as a result got me back into the workforce.

Expel the victim mindset with creativity and humility 

Asking for help once isn't easy, asking for it multiple times, over years is humbling and often humiliating. I’ve learned to trust that if I ask for help and am rejected it is an opportunity to reach out to another person or investigate another possibility. Being creative about solutions, asking without expectation and not taking rejection personally has been the freedom life raft from victim mentality. Easier said than done, right? I get it.

A support community 

Your family of origin, or pre injury friend group is not necessarily the family able to give you the support to heal. Remember that having an injury long term is a threat to many people and it brings up fear. Re-creating a community of people that accept you as you are, complete and whole even in pain, without needing you to get back to “normal’, (for them to be okay) is imperative.

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