Living with depression: 5 things I learned
My first real memory of depression hitting me was in 2007. I was a senior in high school. I was off-campus having lunch with my friends. We did what we usually do, and smoked a couple of bowls during lunch. One of our friends would never join in, but this day was different. He asked us if he could smoke, and said he was going through a rough time at home.
So there we were smoking cheap weed out of a monster can on a baseball field. It was one of the funniest times I've had with him, he was cracking jokes, giggling like crazy. Then it was time to head back to class. He never made it back though. He took his own life with his handgun in the school parking lot. I can still see the scene in my head like it happened yesterday.
I had no idea what to do with my feelings, I've never really felt anything like that before. Before that, suicide never even crossed my mind. I struggled with feeling like it was my fault for getting him stoned beforehand. I felt lost. Everything I loved to do in life before then, all seemed so insignificant, and not worth any energy. I felt blank.
I think that word sums up how I feel when I'm depressed. Blank. Not sad, not mad, not happy, not worried, just...blank.
I didn't seek therapy right away. I was still young, and very arrogant. I thought I could deal with it myself. So I bottled up my feelings. And just went along living life. This led to me turning to opiates, cannabis, and alcohol to self-medicate. It took me another 11 years to finally seek help, which led to me finally being diagnosed with clinical depression and seeking treatment. I'm still working on it to this day. But I'm happy to say seeking help, has helped me make tremendous progress in dealing with it.
5 things I learned living with depression:
1. You’re not alone
One of the biggest things I felt when I'm depressed is isolation. That feeling when you see other people going about their lives, making progress in school, their careers, families, financial goals, etc. And you can't even find the energy to get out of bed. It's a terrible feeling. But it doesn't have to be. Believe it or not, there are others, who are feeling what you're feeling. Maybe you can find a thread, or a chatroom, to talk to others who feel how you do, without leaving the bed. Maybe start a meeting program for others in your community, and start a safe place to talk. Or maybe just keep laying in bed. Be kind to yourself. We're all doing the best we can.
2. “You’re too funny to be depressed.”
Not to brag, but yes I've had someone say that to me after I told them I struggled with depression. I'll admit I was never one to think about how my words affected others very much. But they do. Words have profound effects, and even the ones that seem the most benign can cause a lot of damage to someone. It doesn't make you weak to have empathy for how people feel.
3. Don’t bottle it up
Please whatever you do if you're feeling depressed, having suicidal ideation, struggling with anger, talk about it. Whether it's a therapist, a loved one, a trusted confidant at work, for the love of all that is good in the universe...TALK IT OUT. Being able to identify and elaborate what I'm feeling, has become the most useful tool in my treatment of depression.
4. Medication is ok, self-medication is not
If you feel like you've tried everything in your power and it still doesn't help, you might have a major depressive disorder. This is okay because there is medication that helps with the chemical imbalance. What isn't okay is self-medicating with substances. While it might make you feel better for the time being. It can lead to several long-term problems down the road. Like addiction, increased health problems (mental, and physical). And can lead to worsening the problem.
5. It will always be there
Whenever I hear about people like Robin Williams, Brody Stevens, my friend Jeff Mitroka, who were all in their 50's to 60's when they succumbed to their battle with depression, it makes me realize that it will probably be with me for life. And that's okay. Life is a learning process. And I'm willing to learn how to deal with depression. And hope that you are willing to learn too if you have it. Life is beautiful, and if today is hard, there's always a new day around the corner to try again.
Be kind to yourself.
By Comedian Corey Huber
IG: @comedydecorey
If you're struggling with depression, suicidal ideation with intent, or feel the need to talk to someone anonymously please call the national hotline: (800) 273-8255
Or you can also chat with someone on their website: https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/
Or even text me at (925) 314 - 5646
