Rediscovering my worthiness: 5 things I learned
Hey Guys!
This week was a BEAR, but I learned a lot of great lessons about worthiness.
Here are 5 things I learned.
-----
Okay guys...this week sucked for me!
First of all, I ended up breaking up with a guy who I really liked; long story.
We are in different places in our lives. It was so destabilizing!
I walk my walk and not just talk my talk. I decided every time I missed him I would look into what I felt he was giving me emotionally;
feelings I felt I could not get without him.
I realized...
1) I really liked him as a person.
I mean he is cute and charming and funny. I just missed being around him.
And him schlepping around in old t-shirts.
I also realized there was a part of me that was looking to him to affirm my worthiness. As I explored, I discovered I missed the feeling of someone finding me sexy. The feeling of someone finding me amusing.
I missed his appreciation. I missed his thoughtfulness. In essence, I was using his positive focus on me to bolster up my self-worth.
Here are some things I learned about self-worth:
5) Leaning on others for self-worth is kinda dangerous. I realized that if I use other people to bolster my self-worth, then I am relying on something that is totally unstable. It puts me in a dangerous situation actually.
Yes, I have my moments but for the most part I am actually confident. If I were unconfident and I did not have any love of myself, I could get addicted to what I perceive as the only way I could find self-worth, which is
through my partner. That is not what a relationship is actually supposed to be.
If you get dependent on feeding your self-worth from your partner,
then you could stay in an unhealthy environment. You could
be manipulated into doing things you might not want to do just so you can feed your own worthiness. An air of desperation in the relationship can be negative!
So, I decided...
4) I want to recommit to establishing my self-worth.
I want to feel loved and worthy from being me, not from anyone else.
What does that mean?
I asked myself... what would make me feel worth loving?…
3) Conditional love
"If you could keep your agreements, then you are worth loving.”
"If you have money, that would mean you are worthy"
"If you lost weight, then you are worthy of loving"
Actually, one of the reasons that made our relationship so good
was that he loved me just as I was. I felt love now. Not later, if I did something that might be deemed “good”, I mean right now.
If I am going to find myself worthy, then it needs to happen right now just as I am!
2) Feeling future emotions now
I asked myself what it would be like if I were to feel like I was worthy.
One of the main things that came up for me was, being proud of myself.
Can I feel proud of myself now?
I used my mental tools to try to ignite a feeling of being proud of myself.
What reasons did I have to feel proud of myself?
I found so many reasons to feel proud of myself...
A. I launched my book this past year that became a bestseller.
B. I work with some of the top and willing people to work with me.
C. Plus, several difficult situations I overcame!
I started thinking, all of those things I mentioned were
based on actions I had already taken. I asked myself what made me worthy; beyond the things I did and did not do?
What do I know about myself that is worthy of loving?
Well... for sure I know that I love people. And this is something that I was born with, not something I had to earn. I love laughing. Laughing is something I was born with. I love connecting. That is something I was born with. The fact that I love people, love laughing and love connecting with others is valuable and worthy of loving and honoring in it of itself.
I really am worthy of love even if I do or don’t do anything!
1) It's okay to make mistakes
As we go through life, we all make mistakes. Not one kid in the world learned to walk without falling a few times. Just because I fell a few times
doesn't mean that I am unworthy; it just means I can get up and try something else.
Some kind of deep calm comes with the idea that even if I never learn to walk, I am still worthy of love.
If I am worth of loving no matter what the outcome. If I stay or go off that diet. If I stay or leave the relationship. These statements are where true freedom comes. Becuase I am not taking action based on
needing to prove anything. I already have a feeling of worthiness.
I can make decisions based on what I want, not based on guilt or blame or pressure. I can feel free to take risks because no matter what happens,
I will be loved and worthy.
It seems so simple. After my breakup, I really gave it all some deep thought. I guess my intention moving forward is to love myself and find myself worthy; every day, unconditionally.
I know it probably won’t be perfect all the time but that's okay because I will do my best to find myself lovable anyways.
Thanks for reading.
--
Aidan Park
Follow me on Facebook, Instagram and Twitter!
