Embrace the gray- Five things I learned

Getting old is scary. Your body begins to change, your memory gets a bit fuzzy, and it takes twice as long to look half as good. Since the only alternative is ‘6 feet under’, getting old is something we must all face. We hope! I think about my friend Dennis, who died of AIDS in his early 30s. He would be thrilled to blow out 60+ candles on his birthday cake. I hear his voice snapping in the back of my head, “ Get over it! So, you’re old. Lucky you!”

Lucky? I am in shock every time I look in the mirror and it’s my mother looking back at me. How did this happen? More importantly, how do I embrace this new older version of me? Our culture is geared toward the young. As it should be.  But how do you navigate life when you realize you have aged out of the Me Too category? No one tells you when it happens. You are left to figure out why it is quiet now when you walk down the street. No one cat calls and it doesn’t seem as though anyone is leering at me. What happened? Life! Life happened. I’ve lived a full and exciting life. I wouldn’t change any of it. I’ve acted on the stage and screen. I’ve lived in London. I had a baby, adopted two more. I got engaged a few times; been married and divorced. Now, I get to be a grandmother! I am also a homeowner, in Los Angeles! Lucky me.

 Here is some of what I’ve learned…

Plastic surgery does not make you look younger

It may help you look ‘refreshed’ but only when done in moderation. Most of the women who trot around Beverly Hills all nipped and tucked look a bit like aliens. There is no human age that looks like that. They don’t look 70, 60, 50, and certainly not 40 (not with those hands)! I always thought that I would have plastic surgery but I doubt I ever will. I have a pretty good idea what this face of mine will look like as it continues to age. I do not know how I would look with a facelift or eye job. I do not want to look surprised and disappointed at the same time.

You are never too old to do…whatever it is

My mom became a tennis pro at age 71. I started doing stand-up at age 53. What started as a dare, one night only, has given me almost 13 years of the most challenging fun I’ve ever had. I have met mostly wonderful people who have become true friends; I’ve even headlined in Vegas. I have bucket list item scratched off. So whatever it is you’ve been putting off doing, just do it! 

Family isn’t everything

But it is the best thing. I’ve been a mom for almost 30 years. Raising my kids has been the best, worst, most joyful and depressing, scary and thrilling ride. I loved packing three lunches every day for school, being on the PTA, going to after school activities. I loved all of it. But there does come a time when they truly don’t need you like they did when they were little. If family is your everything, one day you will find yourself with nothing. Part of being a good parent is having your children prepared to go out on their own. If you have nothing else going on in your life, that could be devastating (see above, you are never to old…).  

Exercise and eat healthy food

If you wanna make the best out of your older self, this is essential. No explanation necessary.

Life is a three act play

Act One: from birth to 30. This is where you learn everything. From starting to walk to reading two how to get along with others. Those first 30 years you are like a sponge taking it all in. The trick is to enjoy as much of it as you can.

Act Two: 30 to 60. This is where everything happens. The good, the not so good and the devastating. You love, you lose. You make a family and watch them grow up and leave. You lose your parents and then miraculously one day look in the mirror and you find them, in you.

Act Three: 60… You get to sit back and see how it all plays out. You reap the rewards of a life well lived. You learn the big life lessons. You learn that life is what you make it. You learn you made some mistakes and it’s OK. You don’t have to be perfect. You only have to try. You learn that trying to hang on to your youth is not nearly as fun as embracing your gray.

by Actress, Comedian, Writer and 80’s Icon Susan Saiger

Find Susan on IG @susansaiger