The Power of Happiness!
I will be totally honest. For about 15 years, I was one of those people who was excessively goal-oriented. I thought that happiness could be achieved by the best career, more money, a better body and the cutest boyfriend. Now, I won't say that setting goals is a bad thing or that that no joy can be found in achievement. But I wasn't being honest about what I really wanted.
I wanted to feel good about myself. I wanted to feel accepted, important, special. So, I looked at people I admired and a lot of them had found success in their career. It was easy to convince myself that all I needed in order to be happy was to be successful in my career. It's an easy lie. A career is easier to fix than a broken spirit.
When I started out as a comedian, my goal was to become a paid regular at the comedy clubs. Once I achieved that goal, like, immediately, I started thinking, "Who cares if I'm a paid regular? It's not like I've ever been on a TV show! I'm a nobody!" Then I booked a walk-on spot on a TV show and I was like, "That's great, but it's not like I have my own show."
The problem was that improving my career wasn't my real goal. Getting a line on a TV show wasn't as exciting as I'd thought it would be. So, I pushed the goalpost. There were always new goals and reasons why I was a nobody and a loser, for even have placed any measure of importance on that last goal.
When I'd fail to meet a goal, I would say to myself, "If I were not such a loser then I would achieve ALL of my goals." So, I worked harder. People were impressed by my work ethic and that felt nice but not as nice as being PERFECT!!!!!
Here is when things changed: I lost my partner of five years. I stopped caring about everything except feeling better. At first, I doubled down on distracting myself with work and working out and just being busy. Of course, that didn't work. I had to take a breath and really explore what happiness meant for me.
I kind of already knew but figured out for sure, that peace didn't come from external validation or stuff. Instead, I learned to change the way that I spoke to myself. I learned that judging myself harshly for not living up to an ideal version of myself was harmful. I learned to acknowledge what I was doing well. I allowed myself to be impressed by my survival skills. Instead of being ashamed of my empathy, I chose to be proud of it. When I applied that empathy to my self-image, I felt a relief I hadn't expected.
Honestly, if I'd never reached that level of distress, where if I'd felt one more ounce of pain, I'd break, I never would have actually given myself a break. I would still be obsessively pursuing all of those things that I thought were so important to my happiness. I would still be calling myself a loser every time I actually met a goal because what I'd achieved couldn't have been that difficult or special if I'd been able to achieve them, right?
I'm not saying that goal-setting is bad. I'm not saying that a better career, more money, a cute boyfriend, etc. will suck. I'm just saying that if you can't enjoy your achievements, if you can't feel pride and joy in them, what's the point? Also, if failure is an excuse to verbally assault yourself instead of an opportunity to learn and improve, then what's the point?
Our natural survival modes, Flight, Fight and Freeze do give us the energy to pursue our goal but only our short-term goal, surviving. When you have an attitude of, "If I get this, then I'll be happy and then I can relax," everything else becomes less important. Integrity, collaboration and creativity are sacrificed in reaching the goal that is supposed to make everything okay. Go forth and conquer! You've got to be killing it! With no sacrifice, there can be no victory!
Umm...rawr?
I always believed that my motivation to achieve came from pain and it made sense that the road to success should be painful. However, with this mindset your free easy spirit is unavailable to you. The funny thing is that by embracing the joy in just being alive and being kind to myself, I found that my motivation was actually to just do things I liked. And I found that the cliché, "no pain, no gain" was a lie. After I learned to embrace my joy, money rolled in, opportunities opened up, people wanted to be around me, my creativity flourished and my health improved.
By being happier, I discovered the worldly benefits of being happier: money and POWER! Seriously though, the discovery was accidental but the results are very real. I've coached people over the past year on this concept and the result is always the same. When you take charge of your happiness you become more joyful AND more effective!
I have dedicated my life to helping people find and improve their internal level of happiness. I hope that you will join me on this journey and take advantage of the tools that are available to you on this site. I hope that you make yourself important enough to realize your joy.
LINKS:
Why Should I listen to you Aidan?!? (BIO)
In depth look: Art of Being YAY (OMG NSFW Guide to Authentic Joy) - (BOOK)
How to Stop a Negative Thought Spiral Emotional Momentum (VLOG Post)
Part of Your Brain That Can Help You or SCREW You (VLOG Post)
How to Fail at Happiness (VLOG Post)
Resources:
Shawn Achor’s Ted Talk on The Happiness Advantage
