Sameness in humanity

Our lives in this world can feel overwhelming at times. It's easy to forget, that everyone is doing their best and at the core, we are all the same. In this episode of Coach Yay-Dan, I want to talk about the ‘sameness’ in our humanity.

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Okay guys. I've had a pretty stressful couple of weeks. Leading mindfulness and empowerment workshops with Special Olympics and New Economics for Women, plus managing a budding new relationship, tack on deadlines, friendships, social media…. I noticed myself getting defensive and short tempered.

"THESE PEOPLE NEED TO LEARN HOW TO DRIVE!” or "WHAT AN ASSHOLE!” or shouting at random people "WEAR YOUR MASK!!"
Luckily, I have learned not to say those things out loud. It sucks!
This is what I wish people knew… and maybe I will talk about this in an upcoming blog.

When we have aggressive thoughts, we are taught to CURB your instinct to act out. But that's just muscling down on an instinct. What’s best to do is change the originating belief; the belief that is creating the defensive response.

So I was agitated and overworked and ahhhhhhh!!! About to blow. Then, I went to teach my class for New Economics for Women. My brand and N.E.W. have teamed up to create the curriculum,
Mindset For More. I am currently helping their leadership team get inspired and motivated. In this class, there are moms, daughters, CEOs, some victims of domestic abuse, wives, artists; women from all walks of life are in this course. The thing that is common among all of them is that they all may want different things for their lives. They want more time with their kids, more time to travel, more money to buy a home, a better education so they can create a better life, some want a new car.

But every single one of the women wants to create a better life. It was really inspiring to see these women have their hands in the clay of their lives so to speak and not allow themselves to be a passenger to another driver. In life, either you are the driver, or you are going be taken for a ride.

I walked away from this workshop and two hours later I lead a group of Special Olympics Athletes. I asked the group what makes them happy and strong. Someone said, "I am excited because I get to have spaghetti.” Another person said, ”I want to be stronger because I want to help mom carry groceries.” Another said, ”Spring break is starting and I can't wait!”
Last week I had computer issues during one of the classes and one of the athletes teased me. lol "I am grateful that I have a working computer.”

I realized, that even though everyone looks different and comes from different backgrounds, everyone is at different points in life. Everyone wants to be happier. Really that's what it is.

More time with kids. Why? Because it will make you happier. Spring break. Why? Because it will make you happier. A computer that works well. Why? Because it will make you happier.

At the end of the day, everyone is looking to be happier.
Even the people that are destructive are actually feeling defensive about their joy, which they feel is a precious commodity in limited supply. So they are being defensive of that.

Like me:
"Learn to drive asshole. You are getting in my way.” Where was I going? Back to my apartment? I had plenty of time, plenty of space, plenty of love, plenty of coffee (because I was at a Starbucks). I mean, who cares? What was I going to do, HURRY HOME TO? I don’t have a CAT! I was actually being defensive of what I thought was a precious commodity. What was I preserving?
We forget this sometimes that we work to preserve, when really there is nothing we need to be preserving!

At the end of the day, I learned that we are all doing what we think we need to do to either create or defend that which brings us joy. There are times where we must defend, but many times we don't need to be defensive. You cannot be defensive and be CREATIVE at the same time.

We must be compassionate to the idea that everyone is doing their best. Or what they think is best for them. Some take tactics that are wrong headed, but we must understand the ‘sameness’ of everyone. Everyone is essentially going for their joy. Thinking this way can give us some peace. But keep in mind; this doesn't mean you tolerate that which does not serve you.

For more on this topic, check out my vlog post about:
Should I Stay Because He Has A Good Heart?
For your own ‘defensiveness’ watch:
Managing Anxiety In Uncertain Times

Thanks guys have a great week!