To Win, Focus On Controllables

I LOVE reality TV, especially competition reality shows, because I am an achievement junkie. I can't really watch Housewives because I find it pointless. I'll watch Big Brother, which has all the essential features of Housewives: backbiting, emotional manipulation, drama and hookups but with a prize at the end. So, obviously there's a point.

I'm a student of the entrepreneurial mindset of success and silly as it sounds, much of my success in business came from observing contestants on reality TV shows. Believe it or not; there is a common theme among those who perform well: they never give up.

In any situation when things seem impossible, the challenge is to examine what is in your control. The unfairness, whose fault it is, that's drama. It sucks, but it doesn't change anything. You can exhaust your mental energy with blame and frustration, or you can focus your energy on what you CAN control. My favorite mantra, when I'm overwhelmed, is: So what? Now what? That may sound like a harsh mantra but it helps me let go of what I can't control and refocus on what I can.

When you're overwhelmed, follow these three steps:
Step 1: Take stock of the situation. (Acknowledge the suck.)
Step 2: Focus on what is in your control. Make a list of your skills and outside resources.
Step 3: Use the skills and resources to move you in the direction of your goal.

Take me, for instance. I moved to the United States when I was nine years old. I didn't know any English. My mother had to move halfway across the country for a job opportunity, leaving me with my grandmother who also didn't speak English. I was in 4th grade and my teachers wanted to hold me back instead of advancing me.

Step 1: Acknowledge the suck.  I was undocumented with no parents and no English skills. 

Step 2: So what? What were my resources? I had teachers to help me cram as much English language as possible into my brain. And math was easier than English, because math is the universal language. 

Step 3: Now what?  I passed math with little difficulty. Seeing how hard I was trying, my teachers helped me as much as they could and I squeaked by that year. 

Okay, so back to reality television. My enjoyment of the American version of The Apprentice has been tainted. So, I'll be referencing the UK version in this blog post. The UK Apprentice stars Alan Sugar, AKA Lord Sugar. It's in its 15th season and still going strong.

In the U.S. version of the show, the contestant who bangs the table the loudest and shouts, "It's Elizabeth's fault!" makes it far into the game. The British Twitterverse doesn't stand for that kind of nonsense. The contestants have to work a bit harder. This is one of the reasons I prefer the British version.

If you're not familiar with the show, contestants are placed into teams up to eight per team. They are given a task that they have to complete together. They are judged on their individual contributions as well as their abilities to work in a team. One person in the group is assigned to be the project leader. This person has to manage the other seven team members, some of whom have no common sense.

One time, the task was to make sandwiches for a big corporate event of about 300 people. One of the team members ordered 3 pounds of turkey. I mean, some could argue about the dangers of emotional eating but I could polish off that much turkey by myself. So what are the other 299 guests supposed to eat? It turns out that the team member had thought they'd ordered 30 pounds of turkey.

This was when the episode got interesting for me. The team degenerated into blame, excuses, and several members of the team immediately declared defeat. When people are in crisis, so much energy is poured into things that cannot be changed. No amount of whining, blaming or casting magic spells is going to get more turkey in the door (unless you're REALLY good at magic).

How would we have tackled this scenario, with the steps outlined in this blog post? 
Step 1: Acknowledge the suck. It sucks that we don't have enough turkey for 300 people. 
Step 2: What are our resources? We've got mayo, mustard, lettuce, and bread. 
Step 3: Use our resources to move in the direction of our goal.

Alright, let's make a vegetarian salad sandwich! Or, slice that turkey super thin and make half sandwiches. Do we have time to go shopping? Maybe we can't go to a supermarket and find turkey for 300 but we can probably buy peanut butter, jelly, cheese, ham, and other sandwich options. This way our guests have a choice of sandwiches!

Who is to say that even if we took these steps our team would win that assignment? But what WOULD happen is that hungry people would be fed. Also, we would show Lord Sugar our stellar teamwork, flexibility and ingenuity in a tough situation.  

Any strategy is better than wallowing in misfortune. Focusing on what went wrong or what you don't have control over disempowers you. It shuts you down. But empowerment is progressive. Switching your focus to what you have immediate control over opens you up. Your creativity kicks in and you'll be surprised by how many more options, ideas, and resources become clear to you.

Aidan's Book, The Art of Being Yay (Kindle, Paperback, Audible)
Things You Should Know About Hopelessness (VLOG)