Lessons On Choking, Guest Blogger: Julien Michael

By: Julian Michael
www.doubleminorityreport.com

I’d always worried about choking as a performer but as I paced frantically and sweatily in the bathroom of a sports bar in Reseda, CA, trying desperately to dislodge a half-digested chunk of meat from my esophagus, that fear became literal.

As I mentioned in my video post, this was not one of my finest moments. But it was one of my most revelatory. Here are the Cliff’s notes:

·       Boy is invited to dinner with colleagues he wants to impress.

·       Boy forgets to swallow wad of meat he shovels in mouth, starts to choke.

·       Rather than ask for help, boy goes to the bathroom stealthily to Heimlich himself.

·       Boy nearly dies when meat removal efforts take longer than expected.

·       Boy tells no one until now.

I made a series of decisions that day that isolated me from the people around me and forced me to try to solve my problem on my own when that wasn’t necessary. I was more concerned with how the other comedians in our group would make fun of me (which is their job) than I was with taking care of myself. The irony is that had I died in the bathroom that day like a road company Elvis Presley, they would’ve had to make fun of me just to cope with the horrific scene. That would have been the terrible and premature final chapter of my comedic legacy.

How often do we put ourselves in positions like this? Maybe you don’t even like duck. Maybe your back teeth are sharper than mine. Maybe you aren’t a needlessly socially awkward professional comedian. But I know you can relate to some part of this story at least because the same sense of pride – of ego more afraid of embarrassment than death – that led me to lock myself in the bathroom stall rather than ask for help is common to our human experience. We are all capable of dumb shit like this and for our own sake we need to do better!

So how do we do that?

Here are some of the key things I took away from living through my own foolishness. Try them on for size; hopefully you’ll find them helpful as well.

1.     Chew your food thoroughly. I cannot stress this enough. Savor the shit out of your meat (or whatever your preferred vegan/vegetarian sinewy option is) before it goes down the hatch.

2.     If you need help – ask for it! Never be too proud, too ashamed, too embarrassed, too whatever to ask for what you need. If you are, you will surely not get it. Quite often the people around us don’t know what we need because we haven’t let them in enough to know. Remember, you don’t have to be perfect to be visible.

3.     You are worthy of occupying your full space in the world. Don’t let anyone – including (especially) the saboteur in your head – try to convince you otherwise. It’s OK to be nervous or awkward or not have funniest jokes at a dinner table full of comics with TV credits. None of that diminishes who you intrinsically are. Try to remember a time or a place where you felt confident to walk in your full power and project that energy into situations where you face self-doubt. The “real” you is closer to who you are at your best than who you are at your most self-protective.

4.     You are not that serious. Despite what you may have told yourself, the world will not cease to orbit the sun if you should become the butt of the evening’s entertainment. I am not advocating bullying by any means, but sometimes we need to know how to laugh at ourselves. I tell jokes for a living and this still requires verbal affirmations for me. So I know it’s hard. Be serious about your work and your passions, but don’t take yourself so seriously that you build up a wall of bravado between yourself and someone you might need to perform the Heimlich maneuver on you one day (hypothetically speaking, of course).

5.     Make each day count. I know that’s cliché, but it’s also true. Life is random. Good and bad things happen to kind people and assholes on a daily basis. That’s why it’s crucial to be intentional about the things we can control. I didn’t have to put myself in danger in that restaurant and I’m so grateful that wasn’t the end of my story. I am reminded of that whenever I find myself wasting time or wallowing in self-pity or self-importance.

We all have loads we bear alone needlessly. That’s why Lean on Me is like the most popular song ever (RIP Bill Withers). I hope my story gives you an embarrassing lesson you can learn vicariously. I hope none of you find yourself in a similar situation or that, if you do, you’ll ask for what you need and receive it. And I hope that when the time comes to pay it forward, you won’t choke.