Emotional Momentum
When you're happy, it's easy to stay happy or become even happier. When you're upset, it's easy to remain upset or get even more upset. We can probably all think of at least a dozen examples of how true this is.
The Thought Game is the most effective way I have found to reverse the direction of negative momentum into positive momentum. I talk about The Thought Game extensively in my book, The Art of being YAY: OMG NSFW Memoir and Guide To Authentic Joy and briefly in a blog post linked at the bottom of this post. In this post, I want to cover what to do when you first realize that you're in a negative emotional spiral.
If you've ever talked yourself out of a bad mood, you likely recollect what you declared to yourself to feel better.
You can probably also remember times when telling yourself similar things that caused you to feel better didn't work the next time you needed them.
The reason for this is probably that you tried to jump from a bad mood into a good one. Think about it like this: when you're in a car and you need to reverse, the first thing you do is bring the car to a stop. You need to do the same with your emotions. Trying to reverse into positive emotions when you're going 60 MPH in a negative emotion zone is not only dangerous but it doesn't work.
The state of your emotions can be affected by an external source or an internal one. Maybe you had a fight with a loved one or your boss belittled you or you broke something and are beating yourself up. Whatever the cause, before you'll be able to switch from a bad mood to a good one, there are a few things you need to carry out.
The first step is simple: acknowledge that you are worked up into a negative state. This slows down your emotional momentum. Then, identify what you're feeling: sadness, anger, embarrassment, all three? If you like to think of yourself as a "strong" person, you might assume that you're feeling angry because anger is easier to deal with. Feeling hurt or anything else makes you feel vulnerable. You have to be honest about your emotions before you can adjust them.
The next step is a little harder: validate your emotion. This may be difficult because maybe you don't think you deserve to be sad or angry or embarrassed. Maybe you think you're overreacting, and you feel stupid for being so upset. If you're inordinately upset over a small thing, the small thing is probably a placeholder for a larger issue; or a series of stresses that haven't been dealt with.
Even if something was technically not your fault, you're allowed to be upset about it. Why would you make a different choice next time if you didn't have a visceral reaction to hurting someone, even accidentally? Yes, it's okay to be embarrassed or upset if someone steps on your feelings even if you know they didn't do it on purpose. Take a moment, allow yourself that emotional reaction without trying to banish it, excuse it or shame it.
Once you've properly acknowledged, identified and validated your emotional state, you can assess how to proceed. The truth is, if you want to you can continue to feel bad. Maybe what you're dealing with is big enough that five minutes of screaming hysterically into your purse in the bathroom isn't enough to get out your aggression. Maybe you need a long walk, call a friend, therapist or hit a punching bag. Going to the park and playing on the swings may help or recording a particularly passive-aggressive vlog that you'll decide against posting later.
Give yourself necessary permission to take a break from the situation. We as a society worship productivity but you're not going to be at your best until your mind is clear. Also, for some reason telling yourself you need to feel better so that you can go back to being productive doesn't work. Don't lie to yourself. Don't pretend like you are not feeling what you are naturally feeling. What you're feeling is very much valid, but your genuine emotions are not just a nuisance they have an important message for you. Don't ignore them!
Once you've brought yourself to an emotionally neutral place, you'll be able to work yourself into a more positive head space. If you would like to know my favorite positive emotion momentum tool, check out my blog post, The Thought Game.
