Do You Have Imposter Syndrome?
Hi Guys! Do you have imposter syndrome? Imposter syndrome is where you feel like you don't actually deserve whatever success you have.
In this video, I will break down why the entire thing is a flawed premise. First, I want to say EVERYONE feels like an imposter from time to time. You might think, well that person and that person looks so confident. Look, if someone has imposter syndrome, the best imposters by definition will probably never be found out as someone who has imposter syndrome. Just like we will never get to know or find out about the best spy in the world. That joke is courtesy of Dylan Aber, age 11. That joke is so funny. Child prodigies man, they exist.
Imposter syndrome has to do with the idea of DESERVABILITY. Here's a fun story that will help support my point. I was on a date with this cute zaddy. He took me to an expensive dinner. I was in heaven. When the dinner was about to end, he looked at me and says, "Tell me, do you think you deserve it?" My first thought was, deserve, the dinner? Deserve, a ride home? I knew come on. It was literally a come on. I didn't know what to say. Did I deserve it? What did I do to deserve it?
My favorite film is Sister Act. My favorite line from Sister Act is by Whoopi. She's dating a married guy who also happens to be head of the mob in Reno. She and the mob guy have a fight, so the mob guy sends her a beautiful mink coat. She opens it and upon a closer look sees that it's his wife's coat. Embroidered inside is her name, Connie Larocca. I've watched this movie too many times...Whoopi's friend says, "It's yours now, you deserve it.” To which Whoopi replies, "You don't earn it, you don't deserve it. You don't earn other people's wive’s fur coats, OKAY?"
BACK TO THE TOPIC AT HAND. HA HA HA
When the zaddy asked me, "Do you deserve it?" I thought, "I don't know?" And I felt the disappointment in his face. Oh, he wanted me to say, "YES OH YES OH YES OH YES!" So the date ended. Whatever… who asks a question like that anyway.
That date got me thinking. He wanted me to deserve it. So, if I'm presented with an opportunity for something, does that mean that everyone wants me to feel I actually deserve the opportunity? I started thinking about opportunities that I've been given. I wondered if the person presenting me with the opportunity would WANT me to feel like I am deserving of it or not?
What makes deservability? This was where I had to think about the concept of objective truth versus subjective truth.
My name is Aidan is an objective truth This is a rubber band that is an objective truth. Gravity exists is an objective truth.
A subjective truth is an opinion which often disguises itself as a fact. Aidan is very handsome that is, AN OBJECTIVE TRUTH. Actually, it's a subjective truth. This painting is beautiful, is a subjective truth. Aidan deserves to be a bestselling author, absolutely a subjective truth. Aidan is a bestselling author is an objective truth. Thank you, thank you. This is called PR. ;-)
But let's look at this:
Guys, I got a D in my high school English class because I never did the assigned reading. I hate reading and I wrote a book. So, do I DESERVE to be an author? There are authors who are great writers, geniuses in fact. On the other hand, some would say I have a story worth telling. Some would say that my life experience merits a book. So some would think I deserve it. The fact remains it is an opinion whether or not I deserve it. Does Whoopi DESERVE the mink coat of her boyfriend's wife? Did I deserve a trip to the Zaddy's bedroom?
It's all subjective and up for discussion. There is no definitive truth on the matter of deservability and either side can be argued.
But here's the thing, those who want to work with you would prefer you feel that you deserve it. Why? Why would someone hire a person who felt they were a fraud? That would make the hiring person feel like maybe they made a mistake. The hiring person wants you to feel like you deserve it. The zaddy wanted me to feel like I deserved it, so he could give it to me.
If you read my book, don't you want to feel like the author feels as though the book you are reading is worthy of being read? Do you really want to read a book that the author doesn't think deserves to be read? HELL NO. If deservability is an opinion that can be argued either way, people who work with you or people you're in a relationship with would rather you feel that you deserve it. Why not just take on the idea that you deserve it and evidence that.
For more on this process, you can watch my video on the Thought Game.
Very simply I could say, why my book deserves to be read:
-I have life experiences that are entertaining.
-There are jokes in the book.
-The book is helpful or designed to be helpful.
-Margaret Cho wrote the foreword.
-Aidan looks cute on the cover, whatever.
You want to focus your energy DELIBERATELY in the direction of the opinion that is going to SERVE YOU. Your own belief in your deservability is going to SERVE YOU. Your imposter syndrome will not. Since the topic of deservability is subjective and we can choose to believe one or the other, and we know that others who are involved with us would prefer that we believe and we now have a tool to shift our belief.
Alright guys. I talked about my book. Go get it!
Check out my blog post on Success Principles, the Thought Game and Hope and Optimism.
MORE VIDEOS:
HANDLING NEGATIVE THOUGHT SPIRALS
WHY YOU SHOULD CARE ABOUT BEING HAPPY
IMPORTANCE OF HOPE AND OPTIMISM
