Happiness Hack for When You Feel BLAH!
Not long ago, I was having lunch with a friend. She is an incredible woman; adventurous, free-spirited and strong. If we competed as a team on the Amazing Race, she would definitely be doing all the work, and she would not be whining. I was shocked to find out she was victim of domestic violence and psychological torture. I’m like, “What…?”
I said to her, “You're definitely not the type of person I would mess with.”
Then I remembered, domestic violence can happen to anyone. Did you know it happened to Scary Spice (from the Spice Girls)? I mean her name has scary in it. Meh, Sporty Spice might own nun chucks. Literally this type of violence can happen to anyone.
So my friend was telling me her story. The guy was mean. Without getting into details he sounded like that guy in the film The Waitress. Have you seen The Waitress? The female character was with a guy who beat her. She flees him at the end. If you have seen The Waitress, you’re most likely thinking, NOT the guy from The Waitress!!
I asked my friend, “What gave you the strength to leave?” She said, “He had done a good job of isolating me. He made sure I had no friends. He made sure I was not in touch with my long-time friends. He caused me to feel useless. I was in such a bad place when it came to my confidence.”
Then she said to me, “The thing that gave me confidence were the little things that people said; like when casual friends would say in passing, that they liked my hair or my hair color looked great. If they told me the coffee I made was delicious, the words gave me confidence.” She said ultimately those little confidence boosters built up and even though others were not aware they were giving her confidence, she felt it. And she saw the value in whom she was. This gave her the confidence to leave the relationship.
Her story was so beautiful to me. I burst into tears. We were dining outdoors at The Yard House. We were taking up a six top while people were waiting. I bet people thought I was being broken up with. hahaha probably not...because I was placing my hands over my mouth like Stefon (SNL). Oh my god!
At that moment I thought, well damn, I totally take those things for granted. For the most part, I don’t consider the contrast of negative forces in my life. I forget how special it is to have people call and ask how I’m doing or speak thoughtfully to me; it’s nice to have people in my life, who care. The temperature in my apartment right now is 75 degrees. Outside it’s like 55. I’m not worried about the temperature because I have nothing to compare it to. If I were to step outside for 10 minutes and then step in, oh thank god hallelujah.
I realized it's important to take everything in. Running water for instance. Turn your water on. Imagine no running water. How would you do your dishes? You would have to use paper plates. How gauche. Can you imagine if we had no cell phones? If the characters had cell phones, most 1980s horror movies would have been over in like five minutes. Except Jason in the woods.Don’t you think it's odd that he kills everyone in THE ENTIRE CAMP before anyone notices until there is one girl left who notices.
I think it’s crucial to recognize the contrast. When you are totally alone and lack confidence, appreciate the nice words directed towards you.
One time, I threw my back out and I literally could not move. I remember watching Wheel of Fortune. They were spinning the wheel, and I was thinking, “God if I had to be on Wheel of Fortune today, I could not spin that wheel.” Vanna would give me one of those looks when a constant loses. Save your pity Vanna.
Anyway….I think by actively looking at what we lack, we can actually program ourselves to live more enriching and fuller lives. Had it not been for her appreciation of the positive and cheerful things that were said to her, my friend would never have had the strength to leave the relationship. She was able to appreciate the nice things people said to her. She was capable of gathering strength from those words.
Let’s actively set ourselves up to genuinely appreciate as much as possible. Let’s be really grateful for the things we most often take for granted.
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